Mindset Change
How Do I Proceed?
How do I proceed in the necessary direction?
This article is kindly provided by Families Need Fathers, a charity concerned with the problems of maintaining a child’s relationship with both parents during and after family breakdown. They offer information, advice and support services for parents.
Step 1
That weekend, contact begins with picking up the children from school/nursery on Friday and continues delivering them on Monday. It will increase the equality of parenting time. Allow sufficient time for actual shared activities and bonding.
Allow contact between the parent currently known as the “Non-Resident Parent” and the school plus other parents and their children (which are likely to be their own children’s friends).
However, in the event of concerns about the parents meeting each other, the need for this will be reduced.
Step 2
There be mid-week contact, usually picking up the child from school/nursery, and, if practical, the child staying overnight.
It will increase the range of activities that the children share with both parents.
It is important, for example, that both parents are involved in homework.
Step 3
That ‘half the holidays’ be interpreted as half the time school children are not at school rather than half the time the adults have as holidays.
It should include having school training days and other holidays and festival days if the parents cannot be involved.
The lives of babies and children too young to go to school are less constrained. Shared parenting will often mean an equal allocation of parenting time than is possible for older children, which can benefit both parents, e.g. by allowing them to do paid work more efficiently and the child.
Step 4
That special days – for example, Christmas or other festival holidays, the children’s and their siblings’ birthdays – be equally shared if the parents cannot be together for them.
The children are also allowed to be with the relevant parent for days special for that parent – for example, their birthdays and those of their grandparents, or other festivals and important events.
Examples are ‘take your child to work days’, sports fixtures (for both the children and the parents), Mothers’ Day with their mothers and Fathers’ Day with their fathers.
Step 5
The children are not put into day-care, after-school clubs, babysat or other alternatives to parental care if one of their parents is available to look after them.
Step 6
If one parent has demands that restrict their availability for parenting, they should not be allowed to claim priority in the time they have available.
Step 7
That time for the children to see their grandparents and wider family – on both sides of the family – must be adequate.
Step 4
That special days – for example, Christmas or other festival holidays, the children’s and their siblings’ birthdays – be equally shared if the parents cannot be together for them.
The children are also allowed to be with the relevant parent for days special for that parent – for example, their birthdays and those of their grandparents, or other festivals and important events.
Examples are ‘take your child to work days’, sports fixtures (for both the children and the parents), Mothers’ Day with their mothers and Fathers’ Day with their fathers.